I’m certainly not the first to say that caregiving is difficult.

Indeed, it’s extremely hard in many ways – physically, financially, socially, and emotionally.

Perhaps the most difficult aspect is the emotional toll it can take on caregivers.

We take on this task because we want to do right by those we love. We make sacrifices and try our best to be of service.

However, things sometimes go wrong.

When I was taking care of my mother, who was in her 70s, had numerous health problems, and was bedridden, my goal was to make her last years better. I wanted to make her happy in the little time she had left.

But, the reality is that I am a human being. 

A weak human being. 

A human being with multiple responsibilities and limited time.

Unfortunately, my mother who had not been too demanding before this time in her life had higher expectations for some things than I was able to fulfill.

I had a wife and kids, and I had a business to run. Fortunately, I worked from home, which gave me an easier schedule for helping her, BUT I also had work responsibilities and couldn’t afford to drop the ball in my business.

I think because I worked at home, she didn’t realize that I had important responsibilities and she sometimes expected me to be able to do things – even unnecessary things – at times that I wasn’t really available. 

Sometimes, I needed to meet work deadlines.

Sometimes, I needed to take care of two families’ paperwork and bills.

Sometimes I needed to rest or sleep.

Sometimes, I needed to do things at home.

Even though it appeared to her that I was available, I often wasn’t.

So, she might get upset if I couldn’t do something she wanted me to do.

Of course, that could cause a conflict.

I would sometimes get angry because she didn’t recognize and respect that I had other obligations.

At times, I would hold my tongue; at other times, I would let her know.

But that wasn’t the end of it.

I would also feel extremely guilty because I was not available and because I got angry. At the same time, I somehow felt justified for being upset.

All kinds of emotions were fighting inside of me, and that was very stressful.

So, I was conflicted.

I would sometimes blow up in anger, and I would sometimes cry because I hated the situation I was in – a situation that seemed to have no solution.

I couldn’t just throw away my need to rest and sleep, my need to fulfill my and my parents’ family obligations, and my need to protect my business from being destroyed.

At the same time, I couldn’t be satisfied knowing that I was “failing” and disappointing my mother.

Even though I was upset with myself, I was also upset with her for her expectations and lack of understanding.

In the end, there was no real solution, and I just had to learn to live with the conflicts.

You may be in the same situation, and I just want to let you know that you are not alone and that other caregivers suffer the same conflicting emotions.

I think it’s just part of the experience.

I still sometimes feel the guilt, but I also recognize that I am just a weak human being and that I tried to do what I could.

Recognizing our own humanity and limitations doesn’t get rid of the guilt, but it does make it a little easier to live with it.